Staring

It was overcast, IFR, and rainy all day today. So we did no rides, very few tours, and we mostly sat around and stared at each other today. It was a long, tiring day of doing nothing in the weather.  

Tomorrow, however, I have riders booked up from 9 am to 5 pm solid. I’m not sure the morning forecast is going to allow the first couple riders to go, but I sure hope so. I’m ready to get my boogie on with the airplane.

I also need to get more prepared for something. I’m just writing this out because basically only my mom reads it any more, which is fine by both of us.  :D

So last week I met a man named Lumpy, the head of NATA and a head pilot of Gunfighter, the CAF P-51 that goes on tour giving rides. We spent the week together, with Jordan, who also flies Gunfighter now.  Today, Jordan tells me that Lumpy would like to invite me to the Gunfighter Burger Burn up at Oshkosh. From what I understand, it’s not an event the general public goes to.  Then a bit later, Jordan asked me how many women P-51 pilots I know of. I said two, Connie B and Patty W.  Nothing more was said, but I’m getting an impression that me going to this Gunfighter event is a kind of first test or audition to see how I get along with everyone else, and how they feel about me.  I’m getting an impression that this might be a doorway to possibly…fly the Gunfighter P-51.  Nobody has said that. Nobody has offered anything, and honestly, I didn’t even want to think it out loud or on paper, because if it’s not the case and he’s just inviting me because we got along and he liked me, and there’s no other agenda, and I got my hopes up, unrealistically or unnecessarily, then, well, I don’t like having that hope damaged. The Mustang is the only airplane that still stings to have lost on, years later. When people around me fly them, and I’m happy for them, and it still twinges that sad spot inside. I could go for the B-29 at this point, I’m pretty sure, and I think I’d be able to do it.  The B-29 is also wicked cool, and I may some day, but the fighter is what lights me up first.

So about that “getting prepared” part.  I have two weaknesses. One, systems/mechanics and trying to pass oral exams about it. Even if I understand it, during checkrides I struggle to remember my name, let alone mechanical stuff.  And Two, aerobatics. To do a Fighter Checkout, you have to fly and do aerobatics from the back seat of a T-6, twice, with two different special examiners.  I’ve never flown aerobatics from the back seat, I can basically only do loops and rolls, and while I am very good at instructing in the T-6, talking people through things, I’m not the one doing the actual flying. I rescue it when they screw it up, but I don’t do it all.  So.  I need to go up and go flying from the back seat and get proficient at that.  And then I need to go up and do the more aggressive stall series where you end up upside down, and do it until it’s natural.  And then I need to practice aerobatics from the back seat.  Because right now I wouldn’t feel confident about a fighter check, and I don’t want them to say “You need to go through a fighter check, how about now”, expecting me to be good to go, and me having to say “oh, I’m not ready”, or worse yet, doing it and bombing it.  Worst case scenario, none of this is happening anyway but I get a lot better and proficient at the back seat flying, which is still a win. Best case scenario, I am prepared and ready if that door actually does open, and I can get my shot at a Mustang. 

I actually have three weaknesses.  The third one is myself. John Makinson said that I was in the top 90% of T-6 pilots he’d ever flown with in all his years.  Ray Morris at the NATA clinic went around and told everyone I was a really good stick. Nathan told me that years ago. Jim Z told me I was the best student he’s ever taught in the T-6.  Heck, Marquez told me I was one of the best Private Pilot certificate checkrides he’d given at the time. People tell me that, and I feel like now there’s so much more pressure to be perfect, that if I screw up it’ll all come falling down and they’ll see that I’m not really that good.  That the expectations are so high, that I can’t meet them, that I am going to fail, spectacularly. I see the mistakes I make, the things I get sloppy on, the things I don’t know, the things I can’t do well, I see those, and I don’t feel like I would get through the Stallion 51 Mustang course successfully, because they’re so hard core on the aerobatics and aggressive upset recovery, and drawing the electrical system and explaining all that mechanical stuff that doesn’t really have anything to do with actually flying the airplane. ;)  So I doubt myself, hard, and that makes me want to step back and not try, because if you don’t try, you can’t fail, right?  But…I don’t think I could live with myself if I had a shot at it and didn’t take it.  Heck, it may not even be a possibility in the first place.  Could be a total over-reaction to the conversations we’ve had.  (The checkout course is like $45,000, which I don’t have, and which CAF would pay for if they put me on the plane, with the assumption I would dedicate some time to them.) So I come back to my bottom line.  It doesn’t do you any good if the door opens and you’re not prepared to walk through it. So whether the door opens or not, I’m going to prepare to walk through it as best I can.  I look at some of the people who do pass these things, and I think hell, if he can do it, I can do it.  Right?  Right.

Kaylee has an MRI on Thursday for her headaches. Not sure whether I hope they find something or not. I mean, if they find something, that’s not generally good, but if it’s an answer that can have a solution, that would be nice.  

Well, it’s getting late, and I’ve got a busy day tomorrow, hopefully, so I think I’ll sign off and head to bed!