Lost

 We all feel a little lost.  Most of us went out to Glenndale today. Steve had to deal with the FAA again, and then they released the remains of the airplane to us for us to secure until the NTSB investigation is done, so a bunch of people had to go down there and pick tiny little airplane parts out of the corn and pile them into a trailer, to haul into a hangar.  It was dirty, grim, and horrifying work.  I didn't do it, but a large group of people did.  Just being out there together, and stopping and talking and not being alone in it helped.  Meanwhile, I had my tailwheel guy there.  My heart wasn't in it, but I felt that I could safely do the flights.  It was out of Glenndale, and I want to start on grass anyway.  So we went up and did air work in the plane, then came in for some takeoffs and landings.  The winds were down Runway 18 again, so we made our approaches over the wires, over the wreckage of my friends and family.  It was surreal and awful, but you focus on the flying at the time.  We stopped for lunch, then went up again after lunch, and this time went to Kokomo because he was ready for concrete.  Flew until he got tired, and then stopped for the day.  I'd scheduled three flights a day every day this week, but I was only up for two today, and I think he was only up for two too.  He's not getting chipper, happy, friendly, fun, outgoing instructor Laura, he's getting "let's get this accomplished" business Laura.  So he's sort of getting ripped off, but at least we can get his tailwheel endorsement done, as opposed to me sending him home to W. Virginia or sit him in a hotel for two days.  

At the end of the day, ten of us met at Grindstone Charley's to talk, be together, answer any questions we can, etc.  Our newest instructor Zach was the main reason we wanted to do it, he was the most shaken up visually. But he had to farm and couldn't make it, so the rest of us did it, and it was good.  Kaylee wanted to come too.  She handled it at the time, but afterwards it did a number on her.  She was imagining what it was like for the parents getting the call, for the people in the plane, and then it occurred to her in a burst of reality that that could have been her watching something like that happen to me.  She's still trying to shake those, having a little trouble sleeping because of it.  She's not alone.  Unfortunately my firefighter friend who was right there when it happened described some things he saw and I'm just trying to stop losing sleep over something I can't change or control.  Kaylee wanted to be there too, in a group, where she wasn't alone and people would understand how she was feeling on it.  Then Zach called and said he wanted to fly with one of us before going back up with a student, that he needed to take a couple days off, and that he wanted to get together and not be isolated during these times.  All the things we were going to tell him but he beat us to the punch.  I'm glad.

Services for everybody is Friday. Jerry is Friday morning through 1 pm, the boys' is Friday early evening.  That's going to be one long, hard, grueling, horrible day.  And we're going to try to get as many of the airport family there as possible in a show of love and support, to let their families know how much they meant and how grieved we are at their loss.  Even though that will be terribly difficult for all of us, but it doesn't really matter how hard something is for you, it's sure easier for you than it is for those families right now.  So suck it up and show some decent character in your life and be there for someone else.

I fly again tomorrow at 9 am. I canceled anyone else but the guy from W. Virginia for now. I want to get him done and send him home as early as possible.  And we're all going to need to take it easy on ourselves for a little bit here.