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I stared at the blinking cursor on my computer for a good long time.

First, I had a really nice time with the people who came here to meet me.  We flew several different airplanes, and everyone had a blast.  We started with each of them getting time in the Champ at Glenndale, handpropping and all, because the other Champ was 'down' for maintenance.  Then later that afternoon I took them up in the Aerostar for just a few minutes, to see it.  The next day we all went up in the Cub.  It was cold, but worth it.  Dan wanted to do spins, so we did three of them. One I demonstrated.  One he tried, then the third he did to smooth it out and perfect it.  The other two just wanted to get up and fly in one, so we did.  Later that afternoon I had to move the 340, so I took them up in it for a quick spin, just to check it out.  

The next day was our BBQ Bash.  Mimi flew the Chief with Ty, I went up with Dan in the yellow Champ and went to Indian Hills and did some tailwheel stuff at Glenndale too.  Then I went up with Willie in the 172 at Kokomo to do some takeoffs and landings and get him back in the groove to sign him off for a flight review.  The rest of the day was BBQ Bash stuff so I didn't do more flying with them.  At the end of the day we had a 30 minute firework display, and it was actually really good.  It was a first, and it was fun.  We ended the night with a big bonfire on a chilly evening, and it was peaceful, and beautiful, and fun.

Then came today.

Day 2 of the BBQ Bash was looking beautiful.  The weather was awesome.  I set up my three visitors with Stinson rides, and then later that afternoon I was going to take one in the T-6 over to Kokomo, pick up the C-45, load them all into it, fly it over Glenndale and the Veteran's association gathering, and then land at Kokomo, put another one in the back of the T-6 and fly them back into Glenndale.  We were all looking forward to it.

The first person, Mimi, got her Stinson ride, landed, and then the second, Willie, got in the plane and they taxied to the end of the runway, holding short for landing traffic, our Saratoga.  I was sitting out front of the airport, facing the runway, when the third person, Dan shouted and pointed.  I looked up in time to see a white puff, and an airplane falling to the ground, and then an instant fireball.  Couldn't see what airplane it was, it happened too fast.  I jumped up and yelled a word, started to run down there, and then stopped myself.  It was a fireball.  There was nothing I could do to help, I could only get in the way, and there was no saving anyone in that.  So I stayed behind.  And then the waiting began, as you waited for first responders, as you looked around at what airplanes were back, which ones were up, and who was in them.  I heard Ty's voice on the radio, so knew he was okay.  Heard Nick on the radio.  Check.  Jerry was down.  Zack F was down.  Couldn't see the Saratoga anywhere.  Soon it was the only unaccounted for airplane of ours, but maybe it was a transient, and maybe our airplane landed somewhere else, like Ty & Nick did. 

I got a phone call from Florida.  I just had a feeling, so I answered with a "Yeah".  It was some emergency response place from the fancy satellite ELT we had, that had my number in the set up apparently, that wanted me to verify that an airplane distress had gone off.  I said "What's the N Number".  He told me, and I folded over in half.  It was our Saratoga, for sure.  I verified it for him, that it had just gone down.  Went over and told the guys selling rides and asked them who was on board.  Jerry L, but no other "manifest".  Then I found out that our cousin Dave H, who works for us at the airport, his two grandsons were both on board, ages 15 and 17.  And my former student Cameron was on board.  They were three Flying Squirrels who had volunteered their time at the Bash, so Jerry took them up on a thank you flight.

Jerry came in either too low or too slow or both, and hit the power line pole while landing on Runway 18. The plane folded up a bit, and then fell to the ground, the part I saw.  The fireball was almost instant.  The amazing thing is that Cameron survived.  He was either thrown out, or got out, or was pulled out, nobody is really sure.  We're not sure how he could have been pulled out, because it took a few minutes for anyone to get all the way down to the other end of the field and get there, and the fireball was instant, and he only had one burn on his arm, he was otherwise unscathed by the fire.  He doesn't remember, unsurprisingly.  He burnt his arm, has some cuts, and an abdominal pain they're keeping an eye on, probably from the seat belt and impact, but is alert and talking and...fine.  The others never made it out of the airplane.   A friend was down there and tried to get in to get to them, but the fire was too intense, and he got back just in time before it really went up.  When he left he had soot all over his shirt.

The two boys, they loved flying. I took them on their first flights in the Squirrels program, and they were hooked. Liam won a scholarship for flight training, and did his Senior pictures with the T-6 and Champ.  His mom had thanked me so much for helping foster his love of flying, and I'm not sure how to look her in the eye ever again.  She's lost all of her children.  She and her husband were at the airport most of the day, sitting at a table facing the accident site.  Once in awhile I'd hear her sobbing, and I don't know anything worse. 

I was standing there with Dave when a man came up and started talking about how he'd heard it on the scanner and what's going on and what happened.  I told him this wasn't a good time and basically to go away.  Others came up and asked who and what, and I told them I didn't have any info and facts would come out later.  I hate lookie loos who are just fascinated by things going wrong and want all the juicy dirt.  I get it, but I don't like it.

Kaylee was amazing.  She took charge in the food tent afterwards so Steve wouldn't have to make a bunch of decisions about things he didn't care about right then.  She came out to me and just put her arm around me as I found out what was happening, and when I told her she could leave, she said she wasn't going to do that.  She just stayed with us, to just be there.  When the reporters came, Kaylee got aggressive.  They tried to get in to Steve, and she literally, physically body blocked them and told them to back off, and that they weren't getting in there before her.  When Steve did come out, the reporter said "I understand you don't want to be on film, we just have a few questions".  Then Kaylee and our worker Becky kept the reporters away from the family, too.  I was proud of her, and how she handled herself, and handled the situation.  She is a good, solid, strong young lady, no matter what else she thinks sometimes.

The end of the night, my next person coming from out of state--W. Virginia--had arrived.  So I went to dinner with them to say goodbye to the three who were leaving, and hello to the new one who came.  I was tired, sad, beaten down, but still needed to eat something, and needed to try to be a good hostess to the end.  

All day I had calls, texts, FB posts and private messages, people hearing about the accident and scared it was me, news reporters wanting to know if it was a crash related to our event, people looking for information, and more scared people wanting to know if it was me.  Long, emotionally exhausting day.  Horrible, horrible, horrible. 

And then the CAF leader sent an email out about Jerry's death, before the name was publicly released to the papers, talking about how he died doing what he loved, sharing his passion of flying with kids.  I tried not to react to it in my head, unsuccessfully. 

I have lots of pictures, good pictures of good things from the last several days.  I'm obviously a little too drained to deal with it right now, but sometime soon I'll get to that.  It's a lot of photos I have to send to myself...

On that note, I'm going to try to get some sleep.  I'm supposed to meet Mike, my new tailwheel trainee, at 9 am at Glenndale.  Where we'll fly over the wreckage every takeoff/landing.  These are tough days.