I told Steve today that I am not mature enough to handle the text and facebook messages I've spent the last several days dealing with. You know the drama I mentioned that I was trying to handle that Kaylee was doing great with and I'd been doing well with? You're going to hear about it. Sorry. Writing it here will probably prevent me from publicly losing my tenuous grip on what's left of my attempting-to-be-older-and-wiser self. So here's your warning--you probably don't want to waste your time reading this post, just read yesterday's instead. Yesterday's meant something. Today's is just a big complain festival.
Four girls signed up together to sing a quartet at Indiana State School Music Association (ISSMA from here on out). Two altos, two sopranos, and they've been practicing in class and a few times outside of school, too. We sent in money and registered, and it's Kaylee's first time singing in a competition. It's the lowest level of competition, nothing huge, they can't advance to State or anything, but she's excited about doing this event and looking forward to it. The dates were set months ago. It's happening next weekend. A couple of days ago the mom of one of the girls said "Oops, I just scheduled a family ski trip for all of us that weekend, didn't check the schedule. It's a four-day trip, taking the kids out of school, etc. Not sure if she should stay behind or come with us." I told her that it was up to her, and we'd be fine with whatever she decided. A second girl in the group is friends with them and was supposed to go too. And let the back and forth and whining commence. The Mom said the girl was going to go. I said no problem, and asked another girl to step in. That lasted a few hours, girl felt too guilty, so now she's going to stay. I get to UN-ask the girl to step in, which is awkward. That lasted a day, the girl was pouting and whining at school, feeling left out of her trip, so Mom said the girl was going with them after all. Fine. Now girl is whining and pouting because her friend is staying behind and she's not and she thinks people are mad at her. I tell her it's up to the other young lady, it's her and her mom's decision, and whatever they decide is fine, and nobody is mad at her. Mom tries repeatedly over two days to passively-aggressively get me to just say "Oh, forget it, we'll just all cancel the event." Today she ramped it up a lot, more aggressive than passive, and I'm skipping about 20 messages here and cutting to the chase with the last few messages, believe it or not, claiming Kaylee was angry at her daughter (though Kaylee has gone out of her way to prove she's not), when I politely get that shot down, Mom says maybe her daughter feels guilty because her friend is staying behind, I say daughter should feel at peace, that nobody is holding anything against her, so then Mom sends me a giant message telling me how important it is this other friend comes along too and why. I tell her it's not up to me, it's up to them. Mom says other daughter and mother are just being nice but are crushed by not going. Now. Kaylee talked to other girl, who said she goes skiing all the time, she made a commitment to this, and she would RATHER stay here and do the competition than go. But I can't tell Mom that because it was said in confidence and would not be appropriate for me to divulge what was said, would just cause more problems. Long story shorter, I finally sent off a message that I had told everyone to make their own decisions and I would respect and honor them, but once they were made I couldn't play guessing games with who "meant" it or not, who was honest about it or not, that we hadn't done anything wrong, and that I didn't have any more say in it, all I could control and be responsible for was my own child and family. (Nowhere in here is this mom even addressing the 4th person in the group, either, because she's a teacher's kid, and Mom is hoping I'll cancel too which will totally kill the whole thing for the other girl too.) And then I shut off my phone and put it in the other room so I didn't have to spend any more time with this lady and her situation. She posted publicly on social media how she wished she could raise tougher kids who were more self-serving so they wouldn't get hurt by putting others above themselves as much as they do, but how the Bible talks about how their rewards for selflessness would be in heaven. Because what I love MOST of all is hypocritical pious Christianity used as a passive-aggressive weapon. We didn't make them sign up for the competition, weren't the ones who didn't check the schedule before scheduling a mid-school vacation ski trip, never tried to make anybody stay for the event itself, never put any pressure on them at all as far as what to decide or how. And yet I've spent days on this, on someone trying to make me feel that her daughter's severe emotional distress is because of us, on trying to make me feel guilty for being "selfish", on having my daughter accused of things she didn't do, on it being my fault that the other girl must not want to stay but is too polite to say so, all sorts of stuff, and I haven't said one thing to point any of that out or whose fault the current situation is or anything. I'm about one severe virus and a dose of Nyquil away from losing my cool and informing this person of exactly what I think about the whole thing. Fortunately since I don't have a cold, I should be able to hang on. Thus far Kaylee is still in the right frame of mind, is doing fine and appropriate on how she's handling it, and that's what matters most to me. She's handling it more like a real adult than an actual real adult. Well, probably better than two actual adults are. That's what we want, right, our kids to do and be better than we are? :)
Now. I need some time this evening to not think about anything but pleasant and pleasing things, good things, things that are real and true and important in life, of which the above is most definitely not one. :)
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