Valentine's Day

I was just sitting here thinking about the fact I needed to get my act in gear and get an idea on what to do for Kaylee's class for Valentine's Day. And suddenly, there I was, reminiscing with a smile about when I used to wear all black on every Valentine's Day, in protest. Which led me to reminiscing without a smile about why I hated Valentine's Day.

When I was in school, every kid decorated their own special box, and their box had a hole or a slot in it. You won awards for the prettiest, best decorated, most original, etc. Valentine's Box. Then everybody would go around the room and put Valentines into the boxes of the people they liked. Not ALL the boxes, just the people they liked. WHAT were teachers THINKING?? Do I even need to finish the story? How that makes a child feel if they aren't one of the "Cool Kids"? How you would be walking around putting valentines into kids' boxes and looking out of the corner of your eye at who was passing by your box without leaving one, who was shoving one in real fast without looking, kids whose mothers (appropriately) made them give one to everyone, but still hoping that none of the cool kids caught them putting a valentine in a box of a 'loser'? Watching the kids dig around and look at and compare with smirks who got what from whom?

To add to the story, my school also had a tradition where people could anonymously purchase carnations of different colors that had different meanings for the kids. Red meant love, one was friendship, one was secret flame, etc. Name called off one at a time, you go to the front of the class and get handed your flower, and go sit back down. A big production where again, of course, your popularity or lack of it was spelled out. One year I ordered a red one to take home to my mom. That year I got called up twice, once for the one I ordered for mom, and once for the red one I received. A kid in my class yelled out "She had to send flowers to herself because nobody else would!" Of course I was humiliated-it was supposed to be anonymous as to who bought what, but obviously someone in the 'know' of the order forms thought it was funny and decided to share. I was too shy to comeback with the truth, that I bought it for my mom, not to try to make myself look popular, which 1) had never occured to me and 2) I would never have been stupid enough to try, so I said nothing. I made it home before I started crying. When mom asked me what was going on, I told her, and held out the one red one for her. She got a look on her face I can now probably understand, and much later I learned that she had sent the other one to me. Several years in a row, she had filled out a form and sent a red one to me, so I would always have one anonymous flower coming.

Now I'm a mother, and I can't hardly imagine how MY mother felt about these things, because the THOUGHT of that happening to Kaylee makes me want to go commit battery and possibly homicide. What a horrible tradition. People can complain about progress all they want, and maybe things like the flowers are just going to have to be the way they are and people will have to 'deal' as a part of life--but making kids give valentines to everyone in their class instead of just the people they like is not an infringement of their right to be friends with whom they want, and it is not political correctness run amuk. It is purely and simply good manners, compassion, and an avoidance of situations that do NOT need to exist, situations that have the potential to leave wounds and scars. It's tough to be a child, bad enough to know few people like you. It's far worse to have it proven, over and over, publicly.Thank God that Kaylee will not have to deal with that in her class. I wore black for years to protest Valentine's Day. The commercialized aspects of it, the unfairness of it, the cheesiness of it. These days I wear red and pink, to celebrate with my daughter who has never had anything like that happen to her, something which I wish I could guarantee for the rest of her life. I know I can't, and I dread the hurt, but for now, I will wear pink and red with her, bake special cookies, drink pink milk, and happily prepare valentines for EVERY child in her class, even if she says to me "But Mommy, I don't like him." At which point I will explain that Valentine's Day is about kindness too, that God loves each of us no matter what, and wants us to be kind to all the people he loves too, whether they are our favorites or not. I will explain that being left out hurts, and that whether other kids do the right thing or not, she will, because it is the right thing to do, because she is a better person than that.

May my child never be on the receiving end of an empty box; and may my child never be the one to leave another child's box empty...

From Saturday, February 18, 2006

It seems like blogs should be reserved for the deep, philosophical discussions and messages, but if I wait for inspiration, it takes too long and I never write. So I'll just write about life. I guess that's the point too, eh?

Valentines Day for Kaylee was fun. She got goody bags and valentines from all of her school friends, and she just had a ball of a day. I made it special too, making strawberry cupcakes and let her decorate them with pink hearts and sprinkles. She also wrote out 25 valentines herself. I mean, HERSELF. She decorated them, she wrote her own name on them, she wrote her little friends' and grandparents' names on them. One at a time, with her tongue sticking out as she concentrated so hard on copying the letters the right way. She did an amazing job and I was VERY proud of her. And she was very excited about each one of them, about sticking the princess stickers on them and writing on them and making them look pretty. I truly enjoyed spending the day with her, my sweet girl who just loved drinking out of a pink heart cup and giving and getting valentines and knowing she is much loved.

On Thursday, our weather here was beautiful, so I walked her bike to school so that when she came out, she saw me standing there with her bike for her to ride home. She was SO excited, and her classmates and teachers thought it was really neat too. She rode her bike home, helmet on, proud as can be. A big girl. :)