One of the Guys

It's funny to me how closely I hoard my status as "one of the guys". Now don't get me wrong-I'm all for being feminine, at least somewhat. I am glad I'm a woman; I do not want to be a man, I do not want to dress like a man, smell like a man, or in any way deny my femaleness or turn into FemiNazi. But...how can I explain this.

I spent so much of my early life having no idea how to relate to men. So what career choice do I make? Aviation in 1991, when I was one of the only women in the entire program. I had fellow (male) students laugh at me, ignore me, write me off, make fun of me, dismiss me, prank me, even attack me. I had instructors underestimate me, hit on me, blow me off, and intimidate me. I had people on most sides telling me I had no business being there and doing that, and I was already on a fragile thread of stubborness to be there in the first place. But I did it. I passed the first checkride, and the next and the next. I became a pilot, I got the degree, and I moved on to my first flight job where I spent some of the most miserable months of my life in a much-too-small town. People recognized me any time I was at one of the three restaurants in town and would shout out at me across the entire restaurant that they would never get in an airplane with me. That a "girl" didn't belong. I was dubbed "The Crash Queen". I couldn't get students. It was lonely, depressing, and a time when I thought "What on earth have I been thinking..." When I took trips, not one time would go by without a line guy or fellow pilot looking for the "real" pilot behind me, or making comment after comment about "so where's the pilot?" or "aren't you kind of far from home by yourself honey?" or "wow, I didn't know they let girls do that"-if I was lucky. I got a few lectures about my 'place', too. I've lost count how many times to this day I've heard the words "YOU'RE the PILOT?" when I would show up to pick up clients, or to instruct, or for anything else. Eventually the job was so bad that I stopped flying for awhile, left, and worked as a secretary where instead of sitting in airplanes I was sitting at a desk in heels and dresses. And then one day I heard of a flight job in Kokomo. And something told me that if I didn't try for it, if I didn't give it one more chance, that I would regret it the rest of my life. So I did, absolutely terrified of what I was walking into again, feeling like an idiot for allowing myself to be put back into this position, showing up late for the interview thanks to an accident, and without a real resume, just a folded square of paper with my flight times written on it. I expected nothing. I got the job. Oh, there was more of the "girl" thing. One guy pretended like he'd flown with me and didn't like me, when in reality he never had and just didn't want to fly with a girl. Another guy asked to see our insurance policy if he was going to have to fly with a girl. Another lovely man walked out of the airport altogether when he asked where the 'guys' were because he needed a flight review and I told him I could help him. He didn't say a word, he just left. Enough said, I'd say. But there was something different here too. There was a small group of people who were willing to actually give me a chance. Who didn't assume that because I had boobs I must not have a brain or any skills. I was still on probation, but so is ANYBODY who is new. So I kept my head down and just tried to do what I could and learn where I could from those who knew more than I, who were thankfully willing to teach me, and gradually I found a place where I was accepted.

A lot of time has passed now. I've had my licenses for 15 years now, and I've been here for about 11 of those years. I fly on trips, I fly in instrument conditions, I fly multi-engine airplanes, and I am comfortable in my own skin in an airplane. Best of all, people in this area know me, not as the "Crash Queen", but as "Laura", and nobody but me understands how priceless that is to me. When I'm out at the airport, I almost relate more to the guys than I do the wives, as wonderful as they all are. Most of the time, for the first time in my life, I'm just one of the guys; and that's just the way I like it.

Over the years I've thought about joining various women aviation groups, but I find I'm just not interested. I'm coming at it from a different perspective, I guess. I don't have anything against it for others at all, in fact most people enjoy being in a group with others of similar interests like that, but I spent a Looong time being the "woman pilot". I don't want to be "the woman pilot"...I just want to be a pilot. I'm already a woman, that's a given. But I had more than enough separation of the sexes in aviation to last me a lifetime. I won't choose to make that separation myself, now. Who cares if I am male or female as long as I am a good pilot? I said that for years when others were saying "You're a girl, what are YOU doing here?" Well, now that I am comfortable and established in flying, instead of joining a sisterhood and proclaiming the wonders of being a woman pilot after all, I still have to say "Who cares if I'm male or female as long as I'm a good pilot?"

I am in a good place now, where people know I'm not perfect, but trust me and respect me as a pilot as much as I trust and respect them. Regardless of our genders. Over the years I put up with a lot; I have been hurt, humiliated, ignored, underestimated and despised, just because I loved airplanes and happened to be a girl. I am thankful for the group of people who gave me the chance to just be me and to learn without fear. And while I enjoy knowing I look much better in a skirt than the rest of them, I do feel peace that I have earned my place--just as One of the Guys. :)